the portuguese guy and the text after

Who would thought?Man are pretty much the same in all nationalities…

I have been out,could say that.Not that I’m gonna talk about all men that I’ve been right now,it’s not even that much,but I do can say that I know a little bit about men around the world.After been stood up by a 38 years man with routs in Portugal and having a very angry text message for him,I got the point,man (IN GENERAL),will always think that all the happening in the world (including hurricanes) are supposed to be go like their wishes and plans. Like,for example,in this case the guy was 1 hour late when I specifically told him I had to go home early (I mean,we do have a hurricane coming),anyway,he said he would stay home to change his ticket and I realized that he was just not coming.Well,suddenly he was very into sex with me and decided to come,so guess what?He blamed me for not staying there till 11pm waiting for him by myself.

Look,generally,I’m very cool with destiny and the whole this was not a coincidence,but this time,I got very pissed because how could a very mature man think that well,”Look this poor girl,let her wait for me while I do all the shit I have to do and then I’ll just go there and we go fuck”.Well,gues what?It’s fine that I didn’t fuck anyone this last night,but still,I’m not some pitty person to be left like that.Self esteem buddy.

a shoulder,a hand

Sometimes it’s all it needs.A shoulder,a hand.A different sort of energy that comer from somebody else.That’s what this day was for.I wish I didn’t feel that much,because it makes me crave inside of me.It scares me to realize how deep I can go to get out of sadness.Shows off a deep morbid notion of sense that I can reach.I’ve reach this level of kidnness two times today and I’ve been out as much as I was in.

When I got into the this morning was clear to me that my it wasn’t for nothing that I’ve changed cabins. The lady was sobbing with such a sadness that I almost cry with her.It was like there was just me and her in there.The cabin was full of her tears,almost drowned.All I could do is close my eyes and taste her pain with my eyes.Breath serenity and send her my best encouragement as she left my train. 

Late at night a woman got into the restaurant.She started crying a little after when she told me about her recently lost.She had lost her first love.At the moment,I asked if I could hug her and said to her the words that I’ve believe for so long “Take the best out the suffer,write a song or paint a wall,just get your suffer out.And show the world that you’re alive and in agony”.She sobbed once more and thanked me.Maybe more for the hug tham the words.

Today I’ve just realized two very important things.First,how the world is really changing.Two,how frightened they still are.

Great things have been happening around lately.I’m talking about the protests around the world and,particularly,today,when I saw the MacQueen exibition at MET.Well,I could go on about the artist work in another time.Right now,I was really similar to his quote when he said something like,he got into a train and there was no coming back.You see,that’s the thing about people that are still afraid to change or to knowledge the real state of reality now.It’s like they’re in this confortable seat in this train,even If they paid a really expensive ticket to get there,still they’re in that acomodate seat.Except that,when they look to the other side of the station they see clearly people in a real unbearable situation,but still the one on the confortable seat don’t want to change anything,cause their seat is pretty good.So Why care about changes,right?!

Everyday kisses

He hold her for a moment as the metro run through the line.They may have only 10 seconds or so,but was enough to hold her arm and place a quicly kiss in her mouth.Fast,but tender as can be.

The urge

She had a huge urge to walk tall.Sometimea was like there was a secret the only she knew.And everything was going to be ok sometime.

Wake dream

If wasn’t for my daydreams I problably woudn’t be wake right now.

definitions

I don’t want to have any of them.No definitions.

emptyness

I’ve just realized how afraid I’m to come back.That I may find only emptyness or old pictures on the same frames.I don’t want that anymore.

Taxi

New York City  taxi drivers don’t talk. They drive. And fast. That’s how they know. Not tonight. That was a night to listen.Because this one wanted to talk. Made me bound and he begged almost, for me to listen to his stories. He asked my phone,he told I should write about him. Made sure that I wasn’t out before telling me the beginning of a tale. The prostitute anf the frog. It was at all. He told me that he would call. That he would tell me all of his stories one day.

“I don’t think”,he said,”I feel”.

Laura gave me the idea, the best idea – and that’s so much like her – of reading “Just Kids” from Patti Smith while I’m in NYC. It’s finally good to have something to rely on. Lately I feel like I’ve find friends in NYC.Finally,I thought,I have some people that understands me.Patti and Robert.But they were just kids.In a hurry to live.Persuing greatness of art and inspiration. Not having money. Yet, not thinking further.Living what the city put in their paths.By trusting their talents.

I’m obviously not comparing myself to Patti and neither Robert.How stupid would I be for such idiocracy?All I’m saying is that reading throught Patti’s  memoir,I feel closer to understanding and not judgement. Just like them,I have practical problems, just like them I feel the need to find my place on this earth. This universe.